…Expected! Really!
Wouldn’t life be so much simpler if we could avoid our own expectations. I am really starting to think that our own expectations create almost the majority of our problems in life. We develop this predetermined outcome in our minds, and then when it is not met, or something different happens, we become upset and defensive at best, and lash back at worst.
It can happen in almost every category and event of our lives that we want to think about. If you’re a wife, it can be the family dinner for your extended family, and when the turkey turns out drier than you would like, it is a full blown disaster. If you’re a husband, it can be having your TV time during the Sunday afternoon football game interrupted due to unexpected visitors or maybe having to run a child to the hospital. If you you’re a wife, as we approach this time of year, maybe it is coming to the realization that your house is not going to be decorated the way you have it pictured in your mind, or saw it in a magazine, simply because you and/or your husband ran out of time, or the weather didn’t cooperate. If you’re a husband, maybe the holiday that you booked time off of work for is not going to materialize because you didn’t realize that it was your turn to host the family gathering for your family, or maybe more distressing, your wife’s family.
Having these same sorts of expectations about our marriages is common. We all usually expect our marriages to look the same as our parents marriage, and for some of us, that may mean that we like it or we do not it, depending on our family of origin background. We quite likely came into our marriage, maybe not expecting our wife to be like us, but obviously expecting her to not be as different as we have found out she is. After all, she is still a human being, how different could she possibly be? However, after a few years of marriage, we wake up one morning to discover that this human being is nothing like us at all…not even close. How could God design something so similar to be so different. It boggles the mind. So then we make it our mission to either change her to be more like us, or to simply treat her like we would treat any other human being…male human being that is; that is who we grew up with and we got along with them just fine; if I just keep treating her the same as I treated my friends, she will come around.
Eventually, we wake up one morning and realize that our standard operating procedures are not having their desired effect, and instead, we are now operating like old ships in the night…no lights, no communication, no affection and no sex. The romance with your best friend has deteriorated to friendship with a slightly better or less tolerable living arrangement with an acquaintance at best, or a stranger at worst. Yes, you may believe you were sold a bill of goods, and you have been tricked with a bait and switch, however, you also has to believe that God had a plan when you acknowledged your attraction for her and God’s plans don’t change. If she was the girl for you then, she is still the wife for you now.
So where do we go from here? Obviously, start with prayer, not about your wife, but about you…your expectations…and what you can do to both lower your expectations, and increase your grace towards your wife.