We often hear this time of year referred to as the holiday season, and the definition of holiday is that it should be a relaxing time when we find time to relax, re-charge, and recuperate. Also, I have read a couple of posts from fellow bloggers who have tried to show that they are really no different than any other couple with struggles and strains trying to keep their family and marriage on an even keel. Well, this post counters the first and endorses the second statements above, and comes straight from the over-night file.
It seems that every year, we (and by we, I mean both my wife and I) struggle with trying to enjoy the season the way that it is meant to be enjoyed, reveling in the joy of the coming of a Saviour who had and has nothing but our best interests at heart. It takes an enormous amount of concerted effort to not overload on a lot of stuff that really has nothing to do with the primary focus and intent of the season. And we usually fail. At some point, one or both of us usually snaps at all of the stress and devolves into a meltdown of one type or another. We become so focused on how the tree is decorated, how the house is decorated, whether or not we are going to have enough sweet treats, finding the exact perfect gift for everyone, including too many people (read almost everyone) who really don’t need or want anything from us; and that doesn’t even touch the scheduling headaches that all of the parties and get-togethers create. I’m tired just writing this. Well, last night the proverbial @$#$ hit the wall. I won’t go into all of the details, but it was not an even keel.
A couple of lessons from our experience:
One, you’ve heard it before and you will hear it again…communication! So many of our self-inflicted difficulties could be avoided if we would just communicate clearly and honestly with each other. You have probably heard or read, if you have been around marriage blogs at all, that date nights are important, and scheduling becomes crucial. Often the intent of these date nights is to get you both primed for the good stuff, but there are other, just as important reasons to book date nights. Just like any other business or institution, regular meetings (it just sounds better when we call them date nights in relation to marriage) are a necessary evil, however, when it comes to your marriage, we need to view them as a necessary opportunity.
We use a digital calendar, because we can both schedule appointments, events, to-do lists, and then we can both see them; it help us to avoid double-booking and over-running one another, and those last minute arguments about whose event is more important, or which one was scheduled first. However, back to the meeting, when you schedule your meeting (read date night) for say, early November…you put holiday related events, budgets, and intentions on the agenda to be discussed that night. You talk about how many parties you are willing to attend and which ones; you talk about how much you are going to spend on each other, the children, the nieces and nephews (and who is going to be responsible for the actual purchasing), etc.
Second, once you have had your date/meeting/discussion, and you are both on the same page, you both need to settle on feeling no guilt when you say “No” to something that comes up later, or with a quick conversation or text, you can both agree to it, either way, it keeps you both on the same page.
Third, “honesty is the best policy”, and that isn’t just for children. If you want something or want to do something, you can’t be afraid to offer your opinion and feelings, and when your spouse does that, you have to take it as a valid opinion, and negotiate.
How do you feel about his post? Is it something that you could see you and your spouse doing? Why or why not? Please feel free to comment below.