…Say Good!

S:

Philippians 4:8

8  Summing it all up, friends, I’d say you’ll do best by filling your minds and meditating on things true, noble, reputable, authentic, compelling, gracious—the best, not the worst; the beautiful, not the ugly; things to praise, not things to curse.

(Message)

O:

In this passage, we find Paul, from a distance trying to help two reasonably new believers come to terms with each other. Euodia and Syntyche had found some reason to be at odds with each other, and it had probably become public enough that Paul felt it reasonable to not only urge them to try and sort things out amicably between them, but also to encourage some of the other leaders to help them sort through their differences. Paul was worried that this ‘difference’ whatever it was, was becoming large enough and public enough that it was going to start to hurt the “Message”. He wanted them to remember the larger picture and that was that the Master could return at any moment. However, it was also necessary to keep the “Message” from becoming a focus of ridicule within the larger framework of the public square.

A:

And so to husband and wife…the application is quite straightforward. The fact that we are still involved in our marriage as believers should be reason enough to want to maintain at the very least, a civil existence, so as to not make a mockery of the union. As Paul wants to move on to other topics and draw this letter to a close, he summarizes what he wants to happen in Ph 4:8…focus on the positives, not the negatives, and this is not just a marriage principle but also a life principle. Why is it so easy for us to focus on what is wrong, on the garbage that is still sitting by the back door? on the sink full of dirty dishes? on the breakfast plate that is sitting on the counter…directly above the dishwasher? Why is that always easier? I wonder if it is not because in a lot of cases it is because the evidence of the good is often not visible. If they always took out the garbage, the evidence wouldn’t be obvious by the patio door. If they always put their breakfast plate in the dishwasher it wouldn’t be sitting on the counter. This is why it becomes so critically important to praise the good when you do notice it, because it is harder to notice. When your spouse says something nice, or complimentary, or encouraging to you…don’t wait, immediately thank them for noticing. If they know that you are aware of the good things they are trying to do, they will probably try doing it again somehow, not in a Pavlovian sort of way, but they will notice subconsciously, that you have noticed, that their efforts have not gone unnoticed.

And all of this, not just between the two of you…remember that we value our marriage union, and so if our marriage doesn’t look different and better than those around us, are we really being ambassadors for marriage? If our marriage doesn’t look somehow better to those around us, our friends, our work colleagues, our own families, then what are they going to take away from us about the importance of marriage to us? Always have on the tip of your tongue some praise for your spouse that you can offer up to anyone with whom you get into a discussion regarding marriage in general.

When you see good, say good; when you see bad, keep it to yourself. Not new, and not rocket science, but…

P:

Lord, help us to remember on a more consistent basis that being positive and encouraging is much more conducive to others seeing an attractive marriage between us. Amen.