…Teamwork, Which Makes the Dream Work.

S:

Ephesians 4:25-28

 Therefore, laying aside falsehood, speak truth each one of you with his neighbor, for we are members of one another. 26   BE angry, and yet do not sin; do not let the sun go down on your anger, 27  and do not give the devil an opportunity. 28  He who steals must steal no longer; but rather he must labor, performing with his own hands what is good, so that he will have something to share with one who has need.

(NASB)

O:

I know the title is quite cheesy, but it still get the point across. Paul continues to address the church at Ephesus, and in this passage he is continuing to talk about how their lives and interactions should look with their neighbours out in their community. Once again, for our purposes of looking at marriage, we are going to substitute spouses for our neighbours, etc.

A:

“…laying aside falsehood…speak truth…” This goes all the way back to some very basic truths that we all should have learned as children. Truth is always better than lying. How often do we find ourselves in a situation where we are maybe not lying to our spouse, but we are being less the forthcoming with all of the truth. It could be something within our relationship that is bothering us, but rather than rocking the boat, we let things ride; rather than allowing our spouse the opportunity to help us work on our relationship, we let it simmer, until it becomes a raging, boiling pot. Now, this does not mean that we have to be nit picky about every little detail; we have to allow room for grace and our own personal growth to get over some things. It is important that we learn to pick our ‘battles’ and when to ‘fold’em’ as the song says.

“Be angry, and yet do not sin…do not give the devil an opportunity.” I think it is extremely valuable for every couple, before the heat of the battle, to have had a conversation where ‘code words’ are established, that signify to your spouse that “this” is something serious that needs to be worked out sooner rather than later. We have all read about code words for sex, or specific sexual activities, that couples have developed to let each other know what is on their minds. It should be even more valuable to have a calm, quiet discussion just between the two of you, when no actual issue is necessarily on the table at this particular time, to develop a set of code words or phrases, that can signal your spouse that this is something serious that needs to be discussed and taken care of. Maybe you find your code words while you are watching a movie, or listening to a sermon; maybe it has something to do with “high noon”, or “bottom of the barrel’, or pick something that works for the two of you, something that creates that signal that says to the other spouse…”this is really, really getting to me, and we need to find a way to deal with this now”.

“He who steals, must steal no longer…he must labor…performing what is good…so that he has something to share…” And this is where things can get difficult. What constitutes stealing in a marriage? Obviously, having sex with someone outside of your marriage is stealing from your spouse, and obviously, looking at pornography is looking for some measure of enjoyment that should be gotten only from your spouse. However, what about simply catching a member of the opposite sex out of the corner of your eye at the grocery store, and then turning your head to do a complete scan? How do you interact with a member of the opposite sex and focus rather than scan? Maybe it is not unlike car shows which are so popular. Yes, you have your favourite model, but it is still interesting to see what others have, but at the end of the show you still take your favourite model home again. We should always labor to share our best and everything with our spouse and no one else.

P:

Lord, help to speak truth in all situations with our spouse, and to labour only for their good in our marriage. Amen.